It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
