We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
