clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
