i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
