My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Randomize
