Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Sorry my hands just texted you
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
