you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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