if i can run in heels then i can drive
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
