Christians are straight up FREAKS
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
