I'm jealous of your bromance
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
