took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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