i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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