In America we eat man semen.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
