why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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