trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
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