the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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