he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
