My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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