You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
50% drunk capacity currently
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
