About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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