I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
