I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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