how can u be prego again
i just wanna soil my oats bro
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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