I think my fart just growled at me.
if only i could text you this smell
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
