His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
