If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
