Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
