yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
