I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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