Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
