I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
