Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I need to calm my uterus...
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize