UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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