my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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