No awkward lesbian experiences without me
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
