wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
