if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
