I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i think my mom watched the whole time
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
