He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
