Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
