Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
