you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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