chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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