just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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