i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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