wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
