Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
