Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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