You don't have asthma, your pregnant
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
