Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
You smell like stripper and shame
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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