I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
this just has baby written all over it
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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