bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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