I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
someone owes me an orgasm
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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