Is it normal to miss your booty call?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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