dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
