I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
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