When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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