She is in my trunk
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
