WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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