I accidentally had phone sex last night
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
