I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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