Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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