Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
