1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
