there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
