He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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