I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
