Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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