these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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