Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
