What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
