kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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