i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
