honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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