I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
